The horror, the horror....
*** it's not that bad really.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Here to soothe your jangled nerves...
My favourite thangka of White Tara, the quintessence of compassion, generosity and fearlessness. Her mantra helped me through the most difficult time of my life, when my mum had pneumonia and was in an induced coma. She's all better now, and she stopped smoking, after 40 years.
Watch out! Behind you!!!
It's Sadako from The Ring and she's very very angry. Hey, the phone's ringing....
Monday, October 30, 2006
It's nearly Halloween, watch out for ghosts, ghouls, spooks and witches!
Though I've always found that my own mental states can be much scarier than nearly all horror movies. The exception being the original Japanese version of Ring (Ringu). Watch spooky video, then phone call says you will be dead in a week, cue frightened-looking corpse. I scoffed at the poster saying how terrifying it was, then sat in the cinema preparing to guffaw. Well, I was hiding behind my coat, whimpering quietly, nervous on the way home and slept with the light on. Petrified I was. The spooky noises on the soundtrack...
But apart from that movie, my thought patterns can be weird. Nobody likes me, they are pretending to like me, they have an agenda, they are being secretly sarcastic. And the biggest, baddest of all - I deserve to be unhappy. Thankfully I'm rarely this tangled up in my thinking. And maybe I know the danger signs now.
On a lighter note, today I sent away for the Lateral Thigh Trainer, the infomercial got to me. Though I suspect I'll be one of the weedy wobbly people who have to hold on to a high-backed chair or a doorway to stop fall-off. I'll keep ya posted!
*** A big thank you to the wonderful Iain White, who was my escort that night at Ring. He was slightly braver than I was, I think...
But apart from that movie, my thought patterns can be weird. Nobody likes me, they are pretending to like me, they have an agenda, they are being secretly sarcastic. And the biggest, baddest of all - I deserve to be unhappy. Thankfully I'm rarely this tangled up in my thinking. And maybe I know the danger signs now.
On a lighter note, today I sent away for the Lateral Thigh Trainer, the infomercial got to me. Though I suspect I'll be one of the weedy wobbly people who have to hold on to a high-backed chair or a doorway to stop fall-off. I'll keep ya posted!
*** A big thank you to the wonderful Iain White, who was my escort that night at Ring. He was slightly braver than I was, I think...
Sunday, October 29, 2006
How not to cook, part 1
Ensure that your sieve is the correct position for draining noodles, otherwise half your dinner will end up in the sink. I really am a day late and a dollar short today!
Please sir, I want some more poetry
Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
from New and Selected Poems, 1992
Beacon Press, Boston, MA
All rights reserved.
What a Marvell
Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)
To his Coy Mistress
1 Had we but world enough, and time,
2 This coyness, lady, were no crime.
3 We would sit down and think which way
4 To walk, and pass our long love's day;
5 Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
6 Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
7 Of Humber would complain. I would
8 Love you ten years before the Flood;
9 And you should, if you please, refuse
10 Till the conversion of the Jews.
11 My vegetable love should grow
12 Vaster than empires, and more slow.
13 An hundred years should go to praise
14 Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
15 Two hundred to adore each breast,
16 But thirty thousand to the rest;
17 An age at least to every part,
18 And the last age should show your heart.
19 For, lady, you deserve this state,
20 Nor would I love at lower rate.
21 But at my back I always hear
22 Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
23 And yonder all before us lie
24 Deserts of vast eternity.
25 Thy beauty shall no more be found,
26 Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
27 My echoing song; then worms shall try
28 That long preserv'd virginity,
29 And your quaint honour turn to dust,
30 And into ashes all my lust.
31 The grave's a fine and private place,
32 But none I think do there embrace.
33 Now therefore, while the youthful hue
34 Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
35 And while thy willing soul transpires
36 At every pore with instant fires,
37 Now let us sport us while we may;
38 And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
39 Rather at once our time devour,
40 Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
41 Let us roll all our strength, and all
42 Our sweetness, up into one ball;
43 And tear our pleasures with rough strife
44 Thorough the iron gates of life.
45 Thus, though we cannot make our sun
46 Stand still, yet we will make him run.
Notes
7] Humber: Hull, where Marvell lived as a boy, and which he represented as an M.P. for nearly twenty years from 1659, is on the river Humber.
10] The conversion of the Jews was to take place just before the end of the world.
11] vegetable love: that of his "vegetable" soul.
29] quaint: elegant, artificial.
34] dew. The original reading is "glew," which has been justified as meaning "glow."
36] instant: immediate and urgent.
Time's winged chariot
Well, it's official. The glooms have glommed on to my brain. Lack of sleep has a lot to do with it. But every year around this time unhappiness is a guest. Those pipe dreams of a perfect life seem so far removed from my own existence. It would be grand to have a wonderful boyfriend, even a fling would be good. But it's not likely. Ah me!
On the up side, I'm going out for a lovely meal on Wednesday (Lorenza's on Crwys Road) and on Friday it's retreat time. Off to St. Non's, which is near St David's in Pembrokeshire. It's a lovely retreat centre, an old convent still run by nuns, Irish of course. They give everyone a hug when they arrive! Very different from my earlier view of nuns as stern. And tonight Curb Your Enthusiasm is on, such a funny show and so well-crafted. Pretty pretty pretty pretty good!
On the up side, I'm going out for a lovely meal on Wednesday (Lorenza's on Crwys Road) and on Friday it's retreat time. Off to St. Non's, which is near St David's in Pembrokeshire. It's a lovely retreat centre, an old convent still run by nuns, Irish of course. They give everyone a hug when they arrive! Very different from my earlier view of nuns as stern. And tonight Curb Your Enthusiasm is on, such a funny show and so well-crafted. Pretty pretty pretty pretty good!
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A dog on a blog?
Bruce, the softest dog you could ever meet, but he has a head like an anvil. Named after Robert The Bruce, of course! My mother's pride and joy, she tells him, 'Bedibyes darling'!
*** Who knows if I'll ever be able to post a pic again? Maybe dark forces are at work...
Beauty killed the Beast
Well, it's time for a look at the outside. Right now I'm nearly 37, overweight and wearing a lovely moisturising face mask, what a vision. But scrubbing up does make a difference, this summer a waiter in Paris was so transfixed he kept telling me how beautiful I was. And of course when Miss Nicola was a younger, thinner version, that type of thing happened more often.
But the weird thing was that it made me feel so uncomfortable. When men have said 'you have beautiful eyes' or tried to chat me up, inside I was squirming. No, I am not Scarlett O'Hara, nor was meant to be, apologies to T.S.Eliot! In fact, when I went to the opera with my dad and wore a blue dress and the full face of slap, I felt like Calamity Jane in a dress! But of course, being pretty on the inside is what matters, and I've got much better at that. Partly the march of time, partly Buddhism, partly who knows? Tonight it is time to put on the face in a jar for din-din with my family. In Cardiff's glamorous Bay, maybe another waiter will take a fancy to me. But this time I want a free dinner!
*** No free meal but the taxi driver wanted to come in for a cup of tea. Thanks but no thanks, not my type, like the French waiter. Flattering, however.
But the weird thing was that it made me feel so uncomfortable. When men have said 'you have beautiful eyes' or tried to chat me up, inside I was squirming. No, I am not Scarlett O'Hara, nor was meant to be, apologies to T.S.Eliot! In fact, when I went to the opera with my dad and wore a blue dress and the full face of slap, I felt like Calamity Jane in a dress! But of course, being pretty on the inside is what matters, and I've got much better at that. Partly the march of time, partly Buddhism, partly who knows? Tonight it is time to put on the face in a jar for din-din with my family. In Cardiff's glamorous Bay, maybe another waiter will take a fancy to me. But this time I want a free dinner!
*** No free meal but the taxi driver wanted to come in for a cup of tea. Thanks but no thanks, not my type, like the French waiter. Flattering, however.
Friday, October 27, 2006
If I had a good quote I'd be wearing it
And that of course was said by the venerable Bob Dylan back in the sixties. Here are some more fabbo quotes:
In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.
-- Carl Jung
There is nothing stable in the world; uproar's your only music.
-- John Keats
A man's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness
he had as a child at play.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
To find a form that accommodates the mess, that is the task of the
artist now.
-- Samuel Beckett
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
-- Alan Dean Foster
One must have chaos within oneself if one is to be a dancing star.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
And the daddy of them all!
There, it's easy, isn't it?
In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.
-- Carl Jung
There is nothing stable in the world; uproar's your only music.
-- John Keats
A man's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness
he had as a child at play.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
To find a form that accommodates the mess, that is the task of the
artist now.
-- Samuel Beckett
Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting.
-- Alan Dean Foster
One must have chaos within oneself if one is to be a dancing star.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche
And the daddy of them all!
“Everyone has loved and been loved. We lie about this and pretend it was otherwise. We want some other love than the one we had, some other history. But we have loved and been loved.”
from Profane Friendship by Harold Brodkey. I searched for this book for years and it was a bit of a disappointment when I found it. Set in Venice though, that was something.
And just to remind me why I'm a Buddhist, here are some more words from the Buddha in the Dhammapada: “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with an impure mind And trouble will follow you As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart…Speak or act with a pure mind And happiness will follow you As your shadow, unshakeable.”There, it's easy, isn't it?
But at least I can give a URL for a strange picture
And here it is. A thousand blessings on anyone who clicks on this link!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/damema/61897514/
*** Argghh it doesn't work, maybe I should bang the desk with a rock? Replace the word "clicks" with "cuts and pastes". The red mist has descended, I must eat an oatcake and retire to the arms of Morpheus...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/damema/61897514/
*** Argghh it doesn't work, maybe I should bang the desk with a rock? Replace the word "clicks" with "cuts and pastes". The red mist has descended, I must eat an oatcake and retire to the arms of Morpheus...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
The blank post represents the perfect clarity of the enlightened mind.
Of course it has nothing to do with my little problem posting pictures. Om tare tuttare ture svaha.
a picture is worth a thousand mantras
Not really. Here is a picture of White Tara, I hope. All those eyes represent awareness.
The name game
Serenity is a common word, but serendipity isn't just as obvious. The word was coined by Thackeray for the name of a character, Princess Serendip. The word as I've used it means a lucky accident, the good side of chance. A friend of mine took a dislike to poor dear serendipity, saying that it sounded like a cutesy little elf. But remember that luck isn't always obvious when it happens to you, she typed darkly...
And as for the web address, Mira is the name of the cat (means look in Spanish). Tara is a Buddhist Bodhisattva, the godlike figure made of light who symblises fearlessness and generosity. An excellent combination. When I work out how to post pictures, Tara will be the very first one. An important figure in the land of snows, Tibet. Abyssinia, dear imaginary reader. Serenity now!
*** Oooops sorry, serendipity came from Horace Walpole. Wikipedia explains it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Princes_of_Serendip
*** Abyssinia is a jokey way of saying 'I'll be seein' ya', a joke which often falls on deaf ears and eyes.
And as for the web address, Mira is the name of the cat (means look in Spanish). Tara is a Buddhist Bodhisattva, the godlike figure made of light who symblises fearlessness and generosity. An excellent combination. When I work out how to post pictures, Tara will be the very first one. An important figure in the land of snows, Tibet. Abyssinia, dear imaginary reader. Serenity now!
*** Oooops sorry, serendipity came from Horace Walpole. Wikipedia explains it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Three_Princes_of_Serendip
*** Abyssinia is a jokey way of saying 'I'll be seein' ya', a joke which often falls on deaf ears and eyes.
Finally I can log in!
Yes, this Beta business has hit me too. Can't even log in on the main page. But I'm here now, though I doubt anyone is reading, what with all the competition...
The back pain has come back a bit, but I am distracting myself with red lipstick and chocolate. Later I may even take painkillers. The giddiness in the last post has subsided, that's 2am euphoria, nothing like it. In fact, it's slightly addictive, the racing thoughts and silly smiles.
Later on I'll go to the Buddhist Centre, if my spine co-operates. We are talking about ethical dilemmas, mine is lying about my age. Since 37 is rearing it's ugly head next week, maybe being 36 for another year wouldn't be too bad. When I was diagnosed with MS it took nearly a year to get back on track, I'm owed that time! What do you think, dear reader? Toodle pip.
The back pain has come back a bit, but I am distracting myself with red lipstick and chocolate. Later I may even take painkillers. The giddiness in the last post has subsided, that's 2am euphoria, nothing like it. In fact, it's slightly addictive, the racing thoughts and silly smiles.
Later on I'll go to the Buddhist Centre, if my spine co-operates. We are talking about ethical dilemmas, mine is lying about my age. Since 37 is rearing it's ugly head next week, maybe being 36 for another year wouldn't be too bad. When I was diagnosed with MS it took nearly a year to get back on track, I'm owed that time! What do you think, dear reader? Toodle pip.
Back pain is a pain in the back
What a day I had today! Evil back pain when wandering around in the night, and a fearsome struggle to get out of bed in the morning. But that pain, in a way, was a blessing. Or rather, the ousting of ouch is a blessing. After much gritting of teeth and peculiar walks along the landing, the agony abated somewhat. Not forgetting the sterling efforts of the inanimate gym ball, a fruit smoothie and Indiscreet with Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman. But most of all, my mother Isobel deserves a cheer, for being herself and for bringing me some yummy food.
This story is a way of welcoming you to my life. Hello, how are you? Take a look at my profile. This blog is a work in progress, much like myself. A journey without a fixed destination. Reader, I am going to my bed of no pain. And chuckling at the silliness of it all. Silly is a state of grace, the loss of ego leads to childlike freedom. Huzzah!
This story is a way of welcoming you to my life. Hello, how are you? Take a look at my profile. This blog is a work in progress, much like myself. A journey without a fixed destination. Reader, I am going to my bed of no pain. And chuckling at the silliness of it all. Silly is a state of grace, the loss of ego leads to childlike freedom. Huzzah!
It's the beginning of a blog, history in the making...
Golly jeepers, the first post on my very own blog and well, I'm confused. It is late. But here is a joke. How was copper wire invented? Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny!!! Yes, I am Scottish...
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